Hard to believe some lucky guy hasn't scooped her up yet. She's a talented, super sexy blond with a great personality. I'm convinced it's not because she's a psycho bitch or dyke, so maybe she's looking in all the wrong places and for the wrong type of guy. She's attracted to a well dressed, semi clean cut guy with a jock's body. Someone who can carry on an intelligent conversation and make her laugh but at the same time, not overly cocky, demanding, and has more than sex on his mind 24/7. It's a good thing she has me in her life because this seems all wrong.
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| Heeeere's Deedee!! |
With Christmas just around the corner, I decided to, once again, generously give back to the SL community. I'm kinda like Santa Claus if died and came back in a Victoria Secret's angel body. So my good deed for today is to help a friend find a soul mate. I've searched long and hard and think I've come up with 3 possible matches for her. With a little bit of input from Deedee, a winner will be chosen. That person will possibly get a lifetime of happiness with her or at least a date (98% chance it'll end in sex, 2% chance of the Apocolypse happens before you get the chance to meet her)
First of all I would like to regretfully inform Deedee that our 3rd Bachelor has gone missing. Of course, it had nothing to do with our meeting earlier this week. (Screen starts to fade to a flashback scene where I'm sitting with Dean)
Dean: Bitch, you look to kiddie...not like woman. (So right from his first incoherent line to me, I could tell he was either too dumb or probably drunk and out of his mind on meth to put a sentence together)
Dean: You look like a kiddo. (2nd attempt to make sense however this just shows that he's blind. Not a good match because Deedee is smoking hot and her looks will just be wasted. We can't have that.)
Tegann: (laughs) Why do you think that? (the laugh is to hide me grinding my teeth and cocking my gun)
Dean: Because I have eyes. Come closer, slut! (Ok this just shows, he's not mature enough, can't speak to women, and worst of all, suicidal)
Tegann: Maybe you should open your eyes, actually look at me and see I'm all woman. Then use your legs if you want to be closer to me. (Can't blame him for wanting to be near a star but I'm very glad he didn't)
Dean: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. (Yawn!! Last words even spoken by Dean!! Umm that's just a guess. Totally innocent but he had it coming.)
Anywho, Dean couldn't make it today so lets meet the lucky guys....
Bachelor #1 is Albert. He's 185 years old. 6'2 200lbs of a chocolate menace to society. He's got the looks of Denzel Washington if he guest starred on The Walking Dead (as a zombie...with his face blown off and body mangled). He's got a relaxed dress style with his $2 shoes, acid washed jeans and white wife beater. Albert is a member of groups such as Oreo Lovers, Toy Slave Lovers and Barbie Girls (I saw he's a lover and Deedee is a Barbie so obvious connection). He enjoys short walks in the ghetto and romantic dinners of KFC's dumpster chicken. Let's hear it for Albert!!
Bachelor #2 is an aspiring pasty white porn stud. At 1166 days old, sexy Darwin don't look a day over 4. (With the body of broom and his black greasy hair) Darwin is in the very early stage of Porn superstardom.....perhaps some kink niche. He's very outgoing since he showed up with nothing on and a raging boner. Did I mention, it was in a public place? Even though the penis was discolored, he did assure me it wasn't contagious. With groups such as Dirty Talk Voice Lounge, Webcam Sex, and The Porn Industry, it's a great indication, Deedee's womanly needs will be met. Darwin enjoys sex on the beach, sex in the pool and sex in dirty bathrooms. (Someday, he hopes there will be someone else involved) Welcome and good luck, Darwin!!
Bachelor #3 is a mystery. A last minute fill-in for Dean. From what little info I've been given, our Mystery Bachelor is one, if not the best looking avatar in SL. With an incredible personality and an unmatched sex appeal, it's no wonder our 3rd lucky guy is often referred to as "The Magician" by ex lovers.
Tegann: Deedee, what do you think of our chosen bachelors?
Deedee: Wow, They're all so hot, this is going to be a tough one! Leave it to you to find the HOTTEST in SL ~!
Tegann: I'll start off the questioning. (passes a pic of Deedee to all 3 contestants) What's your first impression of our beautiful subject?
Bachelor 1: I like her. When do I get my hands on her?
Tegann: Down boy. You need to win her.
Bachelor 2: I like you alot, Tegann
Tegann: I'm sure you do, but I'm not desperate enough to date you. No offense Deedee
Bachelor 3: With the face of an angel and the body of a goddess, she can't be of this world. I don't like to use the word "perfect", but I really can't find a flaw with her appearance.
Tegann: So Deedee, looks like we got 3 modern day Romeo's.
Deedee: Clearly! I'll take them all home.! Is that allowed?
Tegann: Sorry, this is a game, not a gangbang. Save that for for your films.
Deedee: Ok Bachelors, what would we do on our first date?
Bachelor 1: Go to my home, buy some food, alot of beer and try to screw her as soon as possible.
Bachelor 2: Try to kiss her at the end and if she liked it, try to touch her. I want to work in porn. Can she get me in?
Bachelor 3: Well, we'd talk first so I can get to know her interests. Then pick a place that we'd both enjoy and get to know each other. For the first date, something fun but still gives us a chance to hang out.
Tegann: I think Bachelor 1 is on the right track....unless you are buying the food and beer, Deedee
Deedee: Haha! bachelor 1 and 2 are sounding uber frisky... bachelor 3, you sure your mom will let you take me out?
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| Stalker Photo #14 |
Deedee: Have you ever brought girls shopping or spent money on them?
Bachelor 1: On them? Are you kidding me? I take their money and use it on me, honey (Pauses and attempts to think..perhaps remembers he's in a competition).......but I could spend some of their money on them. Depends on how much I get.
Bachelor 2: I got no money. Want to voice?
Bachelor 3: Of course. I love the see a woman's face light up when I surprise her with a gift. Shopping gives me an opportunity to spend time with her and see her in different outfits so you can't go wrong there.
Tegann: Oooohhh boy, this is going to be a tough choice. I'm glad it isn't me choosing.
Deedee: Ohhhhh, I ain't messin' with no broke dudes..
Deedee: What kind of girls do you guys usually date?
Bachelor 1: I like girls that do what I say. Had some trannies but really like girls that are submissive so I can make them do things for me. I hope your friend isn't afraid to get kinky.
Bachelor 2: I like to fuck all types of girls. I've had hundreds...maybe thousands.
Bachelor 3: I try to date girls that are easy going, likes to laugh, are intelligent and share similar interests.
Tegann: Bachelor 2 has the experience factor. I wonder if those thousands of women all came from the same cemetery
Deedee: I can assure u boys I know how to show you a good time... but are you worth my while?
Tegann: Bachelor 1, please stop humping my life-size cutout and pay attention. You said you hope she's kinky. How kinky do you get?
Bachelor 1: I'm going to make her my pet.
Tegann: Like make her eat out of a dish and crap on the floor and stuff?
Bachelor 1: Like clean my cock or be a good toilet for my pee. Maybe if she's good enough, I will let her be my dog's girlfriend. Don't fall in love, dear.
Tegann: Ooohh Deedee... an animal lover!!! Sorry, Bachelor 1 but I have to contain myself. I'm a professional.
Deedee: Wow, I'm not sure I've ever had the pleasure... of being someones 'pet'. Not sure that I would qualify.. for that.
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| Who wouldn't want to wake up to this... |
Deedee: Bachelor 2 and 3, do you like animals?
Bachelor 2: No. Not sexually at least. Do you want to voice yet?
Bachelor 3: I have never thought about an animal sexually, for the record. I do have a dog and love going to the zoo.
Deedee: Well hopefully you'll love my little chihuahua Gigi! She will be giving you lots and lots of kisses...
Tegann: I think Bachelor 1 would consider that foreplay
Deedee: How would you keep me interested and happy over time?
Bachelor 1: The question is, how would she keep me happy.
Bachelor 2: Fuck her on a regular basis. Do you want to see my cock?
Bachelor 3: I would introduce her to new things. Keep out relationship growing continuously. I'd keep doing the thing she loves but add to them so they experiences stay fresh and exciting.
Deedee: Hey, That's very good boys.. I like all your answers this time!
Tegann: Second base is pretty much locked up guys. Keep it going!
Tegann: Bachelor 2, what if she wanted to cover you in chocolate pudding, roll you in feathers and do you with a giant dildo?
Bachelor 2: I don't want that. I'd probably get pissed.
Tegann: But you wouldn't beat her, I hope?
Bachelor 2: Nah
Tegann: Just smack her around so she knows her place?
Bachelor 2: Yup
Tegann: Yeah, bitches need that from time to time. Oh dear.....
Deedee: That sounds like a perfect evening to me..!
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| Even her friends are hot!! |
Deedee: I got alot of hot friends. Could you handle them coming to our house?
Bachelor 1: I bet Tegann could make a good pet....... aaahhh I mean wife.
Tegann: Fuck, it's not me you are trying to win the date with Bachelor 1.
Bachelor 2: I would try to fuck them too maybe. I would probably talk to her to see if its ok first but I would still try to fuck them.
Bachelor 3: I have no problems being surrounded by beautiful women. Based on the picture I've seen off Deedee, it would be hard to take my eyes off her, however.
Deedee: The hot friends that I have coming to the house are male...
Deedee: Bachelor 1, do you ever see yourself settling down, marrying, having kids, etc.?
Bachelor 1: I am not marrying. I don't like kids. I like pets....the ones with big tits. (Remembers exactly what he's doing here once again) Maybe I can settle down and kids are ok. I'm just not a good role model for them.
Tegann: That's enough Bachelor 1. I'm going to do you the biggest favor possible and turn off your mic.
Deedee: Bachelors 2 and 3, if I make porn while we are together, would you support me?
Bachelor 2: I would, yes. I would join her in them.
Tegann: Would you be comfortable if another guy was involved.
Bachelor 2: Yes
Tegann: You could potentially get paid to pee on her. Does that turn you on?
Bachelor 2: No, but I never tried it so I don't know. How long is this going to go on.
Tegann: Am I about to be smacked around? Bachelor 3?
Bachelor 3: If we talked about it and that was something she really wanted to do, I would support her choice. I'm confident that she would have no hesitation in coming back home to me. I could turn on a camera in our bedroom if she wanted to be filmed and really blow her mind.
Deedee: Good! I am a workaholic when it comes to porn, by agreeing to hang out with me, you could be fucking all day...
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| Deedee At Work |
Tegann: That's it for the questioning. There you have it. Three of SL's finest single men battling out for the affection of SL's sexiest bachelorette. Deedee, share your thoughts on the guys and give us your choice.
Deedee: Ooooh it's so hard to decide.... Bachelor number one seems so wild, adventurous and he is such a sexual deviant! He is obviously manly and used to getting his way. That confidence can be an attractive quality....Hmmmm. And like that bachelor number 2 obviously isn't shy and wants to work in porn... that's a plus.. but I do get the sneaking suspicion he is more into you, Tegann! *POUTS* Which leads me to bachelor number 3 and his well formed, perfectly punctuated sentences which could only have been generated from some computer program designed to generate a positive female response.. is he some kinda robot or just young, sweet and unjaded by the world?.. either way, like, he needs to be defiled so... I choose bachelor number 3!!
Tegann: Yaaaayyy!!! Congratulations Bachelor 3, you are today's winner. I would like to thank all three of you for your time and your great answers (Yes I actually did ask these guys questions and these were their legit responses!!!). Now, without further delay, let's meet our Mystery Bachelor....
Bachelor 3 is non other than the object of affection for every man, woman, transsexual, furry, etc in SL. The one, the only Tegann Parx!! Well, Ryan Gosling is actually over there reading my answers, making him the perfect man!! Congrats ME!!! I win!!
Don't worry, Deedee still got her date. I made up for tricking her, by having a picnic on the beach at sunset, watching fireworks as we sipped champagne and a violinist played romantic music. Ahhh who am I foolin'. We took Ryan, picked up a few bottles of Jack and made a mess of the green room until the next morning.
For more of Deedee, take a peek at her awesomest pic and video. If you think you can be half the date I was, send her a message in world!!
