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| Get your attention??? |
Once upon a time in a not so far away land of Second Life, a princess was born to King and Queen Linden. Growing up, she always knew there was something special about her. She quickly realized she was so much talented, smarter, funnier, and, of course, more beautiful than any of the other girls. Before too long, her IM box filled up with naughty messages from the men of SL, hoping to win the princess over. However, with the endless masculine attention, came the spiteful messages of the jealous witches. Through almost 2200 days and as many attacks on her immaculate reputation, she battled the witches to persevered to become Queen of the Sims and rule over her thousands and thousands of puppets... or minions...or people...whatever you are. Oh and for all of you who have been in comas, that queen is me, Tegann Parx.
For any who haven't perved my profile daily (I know there isn't many), you probably have noticed that I've never taken a prince. Though the majority have tried, even ones who were willing to abandon their wives and kids (as if I'd ever have some bitch's offspring messing up my life of luxury), none have succeeded. Why, you may ask. Well, besides the obvious answer that there's few able to live up to my standards, perhaps there's more. Maybe, just maybe, I like the taste of lip gloss after a kiss to the taste of stale beer. Or how you wake up to a soft body laying against you to a hairy one snoring in your ear. Could it be I prefer to watch a beautiful body made with God's delicate workmanship walking across the room than the Lord's leftovers scratching his balls and leaving a trail of bodily scents behind him. Ooooorr is it that SL is just full of these guys, for example:
December 18, 2009 9:36PM West Hollywood, CA
While being chauffeured down Santa Monica Boulevard, the stupid driver has the worst time to have a heart attack. Being an incredible fitness model at the time, I decide to walk. Through the drug dealers and prostitutes, a stranger approaches. Reaching into my purse, through the wads of Franklins, I grab my taser.
Cracked Out Pimp: Hey girl. There is a party I am arranging, but the only way to be invited is to suck off one of my guys. After sucking him off he will give you a ticket for our closed party. Are you in? (As if!! Who in their right mind would fall for this?? Who is "one of his guys"? Friends? Boyfriends? Tranny hookers? Being curious about this party, I decide to outsmart him...not a hard task)
Tegann: I want to get invited to the party....but this sounds like a trick. How about you give me 50000L and I give you a blow job? When I get into the party, I'll give the 50000 back to you.
C.O.P: Trick?!?! Well, anyways we don't have enough empty spots anymore. (Wow, that was quick. The willingness to give blowjobs must have been in high demand that day. Sluts in the Christmas spirit or has this guy been had??) Maybe next time, Tegann... (Yes, I guess I was already world renowned in a few months of my SL arrival)
May 5, 2010 2:54PM Detroit, MI, USA
Around this time, I was well on my way to the top. I mean, I was in the elite .01% which is so much better than most could hope for, but wasn't there yet. I decided to give back to the starving children of the world so I went to the darkest, poorest corner of the earth, Detroit, Michigan (A well paid special appearance unlike those other volunteer losers with nothing better to do). While there I was approached by a guy who started with an actual compliment....and did a serious nose dive from there...
Damien: Hi, I'm Damien. You are one sexy lady, for sure. (Though an obvious statement, a good start)
Tegann: Thanks. I'm...well you already know who I am.
Damien: Hell girl, your body looks like a walking piece of art to touch. (Again, nothing I didn't know...wait! Touch??)
Tegann: Nope, nothing here for you to touch.
Damien: Now that kinda messes with my head. (He actually thought he'd touch me!! He must be crazy so I would drive him a little closer to the nut house)
Tegann: Well, I do touch it lots. Can you blame me?
Damien: Now that I can imagine. Is it still abuse if you do it to yourself?
Tegann: No, why would I ever abuse a beautiful body like this.
Damien: I guess it all depends on your take on abuse, but hard, rough use of that body should be made law. (Hey, I knew you looked familiar)
Tegann: So, you wanna beat me up?
Damien: Only with the hard thing swelling between my legs. (Did we skip dinner, movie, kiss...a hello)
Tegann: I don't think being hurt is sexy though.
Damien: And again, that depends on what you call pain. For me to get my hands on that fine body of yours to fuck you hard and wild is only going hurt if you are real tight or I am real stupid. (I wonder which...)
Tegann: I don't want to get hurt. Why do you keep insisting on harming my body?
Damien: Gotta love a smartass and you are a smart one. (Fuck feeding those starving little bastards, I'm outta here)
After continuously fighting off the opposite sex for a few years, I decided to let loose and be a dirty girl. I travel to the land of alligators and rednecks where the smell of Ben Gay fills the air for a week of drunken debauchery, Spring Break. As I was walking to the beach, I'm approached by this drunken frat boy...
Marcus: Hey! How are you? (Fuck it all, today is this guy's lucky day)
Drunk Tegann: Hi. I'm horny as fuck!
Marcus: Damn. I'm always hard when I'm horny. (I take it his major isn't biology)
Tegann: That's anatomy for ya!!
Marcus: Yep, how are you planning on dealing with it? (As he puts his arm around me, I'm pretty much holding him up. The smell of booze and weed are evident. Hell, what was I thinking..)
Tegann: I invented this new kind of sex. You see that car over there? Well I blindfold you, put you in the driver seat and when I say I'm naked, you start it. When I scream "Oh fuck, baby!! Harder!!", you really rev the engine. Got it?
Marcus: Got it!! (This guy is actually falling for it. Must be from UCLA)
Tegann: Have you ever done it this way before?
Marcus: Nope.
Tegann: I'm kinda looking for someone experienced but if quickly go to your garage, close the door tight and practice, we can meet again soon....
July 19th, 2011 11:37pm Ibiza, Spain
So, by this time, I decided I had enough of American men. I wanted a hot Spanish man to sweep me off my feet with that sexy accent. I had heard the wildest parties were in Ibiza so I decided to check a few clubs out. It wasn't long before a well dressed handsome man slips through the crowd for his chance to speak to me...
Apollo: (slaps my butt) Hey there!! (What the hell happened to romance...and that accent....oh my god!! I think I'm gonna puke. He isn't Spanish. He's Greek...)
Tegann: What gives you the right to touch me?
Apollo: But it's so soft and sexy... (Yes it is but...ugh I can't believe I was actually touched by a Greek. Another day scrubbing and crying in the shower tomorrow)
Tegann: So, by that logic, that gives everyone here has the right to spank it?
Apollo: I talk about myself. (Can't carry a conversation in English. This could be fun, actually.)
Tegann: Wait, you're soft and sexy?
Apollo: Me??
Tegann: You just said you were talking about yourself.
Apollo: Yes. (Obviously not a doctor back in Greece. Probably some lame ass wrestler or comic store nerd.)
Tegann: Well, since you say you're soft and sexy, doesn't that give me the right to slap you? (As if I'd ever touch a Greek male again)
Apollo: No, to slap your sexy ass. (This guy is brain dead. Must be something in the water there. And he hasn't even offered to buy me a drink which means he's either poor or cheap like the rest)
Tegann: You talk in riddles.
Apollo: I talk about myself slapping your ass. Why I slapped it. Because it's sexy and soft. (It's actually good that he wants to talk about suicide before he commits it if he thinks he's laying another hand on me)
Tegann: I thought you said you were the soft and sexy one.
Apollo: No, but do you like big cock?
Tegann: This conversation just convinced me that I do not.
June 2, 2012 5:24am Las Vegas, NV, USA
By 2012, I almost had given up for my search for the luckiest prince alive. The guys just weren't cutting it. They were either too sly, too shy, or too bi.... Then I finally met an outgoing, honest guy who loves to have sex with women. None of those in a good way, I should add.
Luiz: (blows me a kiss)
Tegann: Wow that was a hot one.
Luiz: Not my first one, honey. (A frequent kiss blower..my first)
Tegann: I bet. You're a womanizer, huh?
Luiz: You can say that, I guess. (laughs)
Tegann: I see you are in alot of rape groups. Do you like to get raped or rape women?
Luiz: I used to enjoy forced sex here. I'm just not in the mood anymore, you know? (Ummm nope I don't know, actually)
Tegann: Yes, but which do you like. You like to get ass raped is my guess
Luiz: I prefer raping to getting raped (laughs again)
Tegann: Oh good. The other would just be weird.
Luiz: Yeah, not my type. Where did you go? I can't see you. (As I hide behind a hooker until the bitch pushes me away. I gotta act normal)
Tegann: Here I am. I just wanted to make sure you were a cool guy.
Luiz: Oh really? I'll take that as a compliment, huh?
Tegann: That you are cool because you rape women instead to taking it in the butt?
Luiz: Like I said, I'm not into that anymore. I just got tired of it, you know? (Don't run Tegann. He might enjoy the chase)
Tegann: Oh I understand. The sound of screaming women must get so annoying....or is that the part you liked?
Luiz: It was interesting. It just got kinda boring. (Boring?? Whats next to spice up his life??)
Tegann: Maybe you could like beat the hell outta them first and tied them in your basement for a few days before you rape them now....I dunno. You're the pro.
Luiz: Hmmm. Like I said, for the third time, it's not what I do now. (I think I'm pissing him off. That's not good. Well, unless I get him to attack me, shoot him and claim self defense. Sounds like a plan)
Tegann: Maybe if you rape a sister. I see you're in incest groups too so just combine them.
Luiz: Hmmm. I'm trying to understand your point with all this talk.
Tegann: Just trying to help with your sexual lifestyle.
Luiz: I'm ok, but thanks. (You, sir, are 100% not ok)
Tegann: Maybe kill the girl first and have sex with her body.
Luiz: You're being annoying and very rude. Have a great night. (Hmm My plan isn't working. Maybe I'll tempt him)
Tegann: What if I bend over in that dark alley and scream when you come behind me? (Luiz starts to walk away). Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were mexican and look just like pool boy, which could be bad for me.
Luiz: Oh yeah. First of all, I'm Brazilian. (Oh no. He didn't say he WASN'T my pool boy)
Tegann: I apologize. I don't want you to pee in my pool...or worse, rape me....again. Well, the first time, I realize I left the door open once I was naked and called you into my room and after an hour of hot, sweaty sex, you asked me to stop...but hey, you were the one who was charged.
Oct 31, 2013 7:49pm Facebook
It's Halloween and a full moon so the crazies were out in full force. While sitting in my goddess costume (everyday attire...I actually went to the party as a nudist later that night. It's ok to take a minute to pleasure yourself at the thought...and it should only take a minute.), I decided to update my Facebook Fan Page when I saw a friend request. My private account is well hidden so I found this strange. The guy was pretty cute, he was well dressed in his pics and he could spell....a trio or rarity among most men. I accepted and the next day, I get a message....
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Randalph: Hey, down for some RP? (Roleplay?? Roleplay?? As in the sexual kind? I could get off alot easier with my fingers and eyes than roleplaying, you dummy)
Tegann: I'm sorry, but I rarely roleplay.
Randalph: Then why the fuck did you add me, you dumb bitch? (Clearly this guy added the wrong person because nobody swears at me and none of those words apply to me, as you all know)
Tegann: You were the dumb bitch that thought I'd RP with you on command if I did
Randalph: That's all women are good for. Doing what they're told because they're worthless, dumb sluts. (Yes, this was actually sent to ME!!)
Tegann: So you are gay?
Randalph: And you're not even good for that, so consider killing yourself, pig. (Pigs can turn veggies into bacon so is he now complimenting me? He sounds like he has problems so Dr. Parx to the rescue)
Tegann: Sounds like your mom ran off with the mailman. Did that lead you to hating women? Maybe a girl saw how much of a loser you were and dated someone else? Talk to me...lets find where the hate stems from and make you all better!! If that fails, maybe we can pray the gay away??
(Raldaph has never returned my therapy offer. If anyone knows the whereabout of this ill individual, contact your local mental health hospital or run him down with your car...repeatedly.)
May 17, 2014 1:32pm Some bitch kid's birthday party
After receiving million and millions of fan letters from little Tegannators whose only dream is to be me when they grow up, I thought I would give back to my young fans. After settling on a 5 year old girl, whose parents just happened to be able to cover my 100K appearance fee, I attended her birthday party. While sneaking out of the party from the screaming little fucks for a quick drink, I'm quickly followed by this goofy looking black guy. I quickly recognize him as the creepy clown.
Bobo De Klown Oxygen: Hello. (He can speak. I guess he is smarter than he looks at least. He kinda looks like that mutant rat from the Ninja Turtles)
Tegann: Hey...
Bobo De Klown Oxygen: You like Beaches? (Not only is he ugly as fuck but he's a Bette Midler fan as well)
Tegann: The movie?
Bobo De Klown Oxygen: What? No! Beaches, Tropical Settings!! (I'm not a lame ass over 40 fag so I don't know much about Bette Midler's work)
Tegann: Is that like part two?
Bobo De Klown Oxygen: Yes. Want to suck my cock as we watch it? (Trying to be a smartass doesn't really work when you are an idiot)
Tegann: Nah, I never liked the first one. (As if I'd ever waste my time with a broke ass gay clown!!)
So, hopefully from the above examples, and without showing you the thousands of others similar, you will understand why a girl as amazing as me would prefer others just as amazing. Sorry guys, but you just don't make that cut. I would also like to apologize for not sharing the other half of why I keep women handcuffed to my bedposts instead of men, but this site is not X-rated. If I showed those conversations, pictures and videos, it would likely turn every woman lesbian, therefore no more pregnancy and hence, the end of mankind. It would be pretty cool to have the Apocolypse named after me, but I'm sure men have some place in this world. To be continued when I find out what....
T. Parx out, bitchezz!!
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| (Pic by Meg Corral) |
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