Throughout my 6 years in SL, I must have gotten proposed to 100 times...daily. Although 99.9%simply aren't good enough for a goddess like me, I have never thought a marriage could ever last. I mean, who needs someone to have to answer to when you get drunk, break into a house and wake up in the middle of a 23 person orgy with one python as a special guest. And then there's always the jealousy, dishonesty, infidelity, and therapy that comes with a partnership. If the guy is old, rich, and terminal, I can see the reasoning behind it, but if the dude's got years to live and the bride to be got no connections to a hitman, who would be foolish enough... my gorgeous, talented friend, Meg Corral, that's who!!
So, let's meet Meg. She's a Hot Bitch in Charge which is fittingly, also the name of her adult production company (Actually it's Head Bitch in Charge, but my name is so much better). Meg is a multi-talented superstar in the adult industry. A model, photographer, and videographer, Meg's talents are only surpassed by her sexiness... and those gorgeous, bronzed globes that are her amazing breasts. So, why would a woman who could have any man she wanted decide to settle down with one man? Maybe she's on drugs? Maybe the constant porn cock will be enough to satisfy her sexual appetite? Maybe she's gone crazy? Either way, as a great friend, I have decided to put aside my limousine riding, Dom Perignon sipping, red carpet walking lifestyle and pick up my pen once more to show her the disaster that is The Second Life Marriage.
To show how the common people of SL view marriage and, in particular, Meg's upcoming nuptials, I hit the grid to show what a bad idea this is. First off, I met Skeletor, a sharp dressed black man with signs of aging in his face. This man obviously knows the woes of a nagging wife and countless mistresses, so I approach him.
Tegann: Hey handsome, I know I don't need to introduce myself so I'll get right to it. How many times have you been married?
Skeletor: 4 times.
Tegann: Wow, so you're a pro...and just who I need. How long did the torture last?
Skeletor: Quite some time.
Tegann: In other words, too long but still not as long as they seemed as the months of "eternal marital bliss" creeped by. Why did they end?
Skeletor: Different reasons. First wife, I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. Second wife, I got tired of her spending and adding members to our family. Third wife, I got tired of her jealousy. Fourth marriage, we just wanted different things.
Tegann: Sounds like a history of misery thanks to a walk down the aisle. Did the girls change once you put a ring on it?
Skeletor: Yes, they always do.
Tegann: Crazy ass brides. More importantly, did the sex life change?
Skeletor: No, not really.
Tegann: Crazy ass nympho brides. Upon further research, maybe the sex didn't change, but the frequency dropped drastically (Ref: Tegann Parx's Infinite Book of Knowledge Vol. 37). Based on your knowledge of failed relationships and the countless hours jerking it to internet porn, do you believe a wedding involved an adult starlet could ever last?
Skeletor: Depends on that person, but very rarely, it would despite what people say. I've had girls that said, "Skel, I can handle you being with other girls.", but when it all came down to it, they couldn't. Saying and doing are two different things.
Tegann: Oh Meg, what have you gotten yourself into know. How many times did you cheat on your wives?
Skeletor: I don't know. I'm polygamous...I love pussy. I just like to fuck.
Tegann: Who doesn't!! So, why get married in the first place?
Skeletor: I was in love and thought it would work.
Tegann: Goes to show you don't learn your lesson easily. Love schmuv.... has a tendency to ruin fun with everything. If you had a friend who was getting married, how would you stop it?
Skeletor: You can't, it's their choice. I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing, but definitely not for everyone, especially me.
Tegann: I disagree, I can do anything and as a friend as awesome as I am, I think it's really OUR choice. Ok, so if you are as stubborn as me and so much smarter than everyone else you surround yourself with, what way would you terminate this ill-fated relationship?
Skeletor: Then I would be honest and voice my concerns.
Tegann: Well, that's the boring way. I prefer trickery and scheming works best and gives much quicker results.
Skeletor: You're never thanked for it, though. It causes drama an-
Tegann: Shush. So, drugging him and taking a video of us together in compromising positions and sending it to her won't work?
Skeletor: Maybe that'll do it. However, she may be able to tell he's been drugged an--
Tegann: Enough!! God, this interview has taken a bad turn. So can you think of anything that would ruin her happiness and get me in her pants?
Skeletor: Oh lord, you're planning on stealing her? You're messed up.
Tegann: What?!?! I'm no homewrecker!!
Skeletor: Yet, you're trying to set up this guy so you can fuck his wife.
Tegann: Hold up!! This doesn't make me a bad person... it actually makes me a great friend.
Next up on the research tour was a place where married couples get together to discuss their lives and show each other what makes each other content in their sorry ass relationships, a swingers club. Upon, my arrival I am looked at like a juicy T-bone amid a pack of hungry wolves, but quickly greeted by a couple, Tank and Amy.
Amy: Hi and welcome to our club.
Tank: I can't help but notice those big tits of yours.
Tegann: Thank you, Amy. I was hoping you can answer some questions I had and Tank, maybe, with the right advice, I can arrange for you to have a bigger pair of beautiful brown boobs for you to play with.
Tank: I don't want any tits. I'm a man.
Tegann: Ummm okayyy. Not really what I was talking about but whatever. I have this friend who is planning on getting married in a couple of months and I think it's a bad idea. Maybe you guys can help. Here's a pic, take a look.
Tegann: Yeah, those are actually the boobs I was talking about.
Tank: Oh, I would suck on those.
Amy: Tegann, do you like girls?
Tegann: My friend does. Ugh. I know I'm probably the hottest girl that's ever walked in here and you all want to have sex with me but this is about Meg. If I ever get her drunk and bring her down here, do you think you can possibly steal her away from her man?
Amy: I wouldn't try. You should support your friend and her marriage. If it is, in fact, a mistake, she will figure that out on her own and learn from it.
Tegann: What the hell, Amy. If you are going to give crap advice, just go over there and suck a cock. Beside, that shit would take too long.
Amy: Well honestly, if you are a true friend, you'll stand by her no matter what and be there for her if it falls apart.
Tegann: Amy... just zip it. I plan on getting the rebound sex, but all that other shit is just verbal diarrhea. Get lost. Ok Tank, you are more her type anyways with those tattoos and greasy hair. How would you get Meg to be unfaithful to her fiance?
Tank: I'd ask her if she wanted to have a threesome with Amy and I.
Tegann: Hmm she's pretty freaky but asking gives her an option of saying no...and who knows what Amy will say with all that "support your friend" nonsense.
Tank: If I do this, can I have sex with you?
Tegann: I'll tell you what. If you succeed, I will let you have sex with Tegann Parx, the life size cardboard cutout.
Tank: No dice, hun.
Tegann: What if I cut a little hole in it and hold a warm pie behind it. I'll even make sex sounds whenever I can keep from gagging?
Tank: I can have sex with any woman here and I don't even like pie.
Tegann: But I'm not just any woman. I'm the Tegann Parx. My cutout is the best date, though. She don't even care if you eat the pie first.
Tank: I'll eat your pie.
Noticing, I have taken the wrong approach to this whole Meg situation, I decided to focus on her interests. Well, maybe multiple sex partners is up her alley, but I need a more direct solution to the problem. Hence, I head to Little Italy and find me most Italian man I could ever imagine. Standing 5'4, tanned, and needing a shave with his hair slicked back, Alberto, 38, interrupted his mafia meeting in his mom's house to talk to me. Wiping the spaghetti sauce from his mouth, he kisses my hand and gives me a rose as he greets me.
Alberto: Hello, Tegann. It's a pleasure to be in the company of such a beautiful woman. What brings you here today?
Tegann: I'm looking for a good man to sweep my friend off her feet. Well, just long enough to bang her and ruin her engagement. Not to fall in love or I'll have to do all this shit again.
Alberto: Tell me about this friend.
Tegann: Here's a picture...
Alberto: Her name is Meg.
Tegann: Yes!! You already know her?
Alberto: It says on the picture.
Tegann: You seem almost too smart. You sure you're Italian? Anyways, I need someone to break up her relationship. I figured Italian men have no conscience as long as it leads to getting laid so here I am hoping you share some things in common before I introduce you.
Alberto: Oh, I see. I am originally from Jersey. I like to tan and...
Tegann: Yeah yeah... Like I said, I just need you to ruin her bed. Have you ever whacked it to Honey Boo Boo's mom?
Alberto: Well, no. Who would do that?
Tegann: Meg does. Damn. I thought it could be a good idea for a first date.
Alberto: Isn't it kinda weird she does that?
Tegann: She's a porn star....a kinky one.
Alberto: I see that. I don't think I can help you Miss Parx. I need to go comb my hair and it's been almost an hour since I talked to my mama mia. I wish you luck.
As I was leaving, I ran into another meatball. A little more "manly" than Meg is used to but maybe that's just what she needs.
Tegann: Hi, I'm Tegann Parx. I know you already recog--
Carlo: Hi sugar. We will have sex, the darling?
Tegann: You don't waste anytime. You could work. Do you always get what you want?
Carlo: I am just offering you paradise. We will have a good time.
Tegann: Yes, yes, I know we would, but I need to find a guy who gets what he wants so he can sleep with my friend.
Carlo: I always receive what I want.
Tegann: Great. I need you to meet my friend and stop her wedding.
Carlo: Well, we will have sex, the darling?
Tegann: Wait! What!! Me and you?
Carlo: Of course. There's enough of Carlo to go around.
Tegann: Ugh. Fuhgettaboutit!!
And like a fly landing on a guido's greasy head, I slipped out of Little Italy. Meg was always too good for European lame-o's anyways. So far, I was disappointed with the results but wrecking someone's relationship is just too important to me to give up just yet. I checked out some of Meg's work and found she was more into guys with tons of ink and piercings, wearing all black, if anything at all. After discovering the only two vampire nudist colonies in SL were shut down, I said a prayer that this alt club is still opened, and I got there before their suicidal thoughts bettered them. Now, being who I am and living the incredible life I live, I don't feel all sad and weird like these emo freaks, but I try my best to get in their heads and maybe relate to what Meg sees in these guys. Spotting a pale skinned, tight wearing skeleton with black make-up worshipping an upside down cross, I figure that I found Mr Right.
Tegann: Hi, nice wrist scars. Are you busy?
DJ 3000: Thanks. I'm free. Would you like to do something fun?
Tegann: Uhhh something fun? For you weirdos that's like hurting cats and stuff, right?
DJ 3000: (laughs)
Tegann: Crazy!! You guys can actually laugh! You don't think hurting cats is fun?
DJ 3000: No...
Tegann: I'm not sure you are the right guy for Meg.
DJ 3000: If you make them laugh, it is much more fun
Tegann: You make cat's laugh? Maybe it's the incense and fog machine, but I'm so confused.
DJ 3000: I'm not sure you are the type of girl I want to be seen talking to. Hurt a cat??
Tegann: Don't judge what she may or may not like in her guys. Have you ever tried it?
DJ 3000: No...but I do hate them. I never had one.
Tegann: What did they ever do to make you hate them?
DJ 3000: They ate my birds, but I never hurt one.
Tegann: Maybe your stupid crows or ravens or whatever you geeks have, did something to the cats first.
DJ 3000: They were budgies.....
So, maybe it was a mistake to bring up the guys dead birds, but in no way did I cause DJ 5500 or whatever his name was to do what he did. Besides, I thought those dudes liked hanging out in coffins. Needing to lighten my mood, I get a drink at a local male strip club. It's here that I meet Richard B. Long.... or his stage name, Jus Dreamy.
Tegann: Hey, hot stuff. Nice moves.
Jus: Thank you. What brings you here today?
Tegann: I've been meaning to come here forever because I heard they have the hottest men. You certainly are proving the rumor right. However, there is another reason. Would it be a problem if I asked you some questions while you proceed to make me hot with carnal desire? I can slip a few Lincolns into that sexy manly g-string for your time.
Jus: You can ask me anything you want.
(I slip a five beneath the strap and he proceeds to rub his sweaty, wrinkled body on me)
Tegann: Okay great!! So, here's the story: My good friend is gorgeous, smart, funny, and sweet and she's decided to get married. I'm not sure how I feel about it. What are your views on marriage?
Jus: I've never been. I think its good for some, not so much for others.
Tegann: Seeing you are both adult entertainers, I thought you could share some insight for me. Do you think a porn star can settle down with one guy and make a marriage work?
Jus: I do think they can settle down and make it work so long as they are open and let each other know what they expect from the other after marriage and stick to it.
Tegann: Maybe it's the booze, but that sounds like some good advice. But how can someone that obviously loves sex and surrounded by hot hung men stay faithful?
Jus: I have been with my current love for about 6 months now. If you love the person like I love her, you will remain faithful. Either that or they need to have an open relationship and realize there is a difference between sex and love. But again, that only works if both of them agree and set ground rules.
Tegann: Wow you actually sound you know what you're talking about. I think you could be a good match for her. If I slipped a few Benjamins down the front this time, do you think you could do me a small favor and steal her away from him?
Jus: NO! I am in Love with someone. I have remained faithful to her even though I work here. I will do nothing to ruin that.
Tegann: Hey Leatherface, what the fuck has love gotta do with anything? I'll give you 500 lindens and let you see my tits backstage?
Jus: No, I will not be unfaithful to my love.
Tegann: She doesn't have to know. Meg is a dirty little porn whore. You could probably get her to do all kinds of disgusting stuff.
Jus: You can tip me all you want and I would even get naked up here, but nothing backstage. I am a professional.
Tegann: Look at her face tattooed on my chest...you see, she's hot!!
Jus: She is stunning but she is not my love.
Tegann: She could be...
Jus: No, she could not be. I am sorry but I am going to have to ask you to stop. I will answer your questions, but I will not let you try and persuade me from my love.
Tegann: I'm negotiating. I will give you 500L, show you my tits, you can touch them with one finger and smell my feet if you break into her home and cum in her bed. Her fiance will find it and think she's cheating. I can find a pic of her bare ass if you need something to jerk off to?
Jus: NO!! I will not do that. I will thank you for the tip your just gave me but I will not do anything else. If you ask me again to do anything like what you have been asking, I will evict you. This conversation has gone in a direction that makes me feel uncomfortable. (He slides onto my lap and grinds he 55 year old viagra juiced up penis against me).
Tegann: I will let you videotape me drugging your girlfriend and finger banging her if you help me?
After being not so politely shown the exit by two beefy well endowed bouncers (hey I was drunk and they were allowed their 15 minute break), I went home feeling defeated. It was unknown to me up to this point, living a near perfect life whereby I always got my way. As I looked through Meg's pictures, I wondered if there was any way of saving her. Then it came to me!! Expose her fiance for the true scum he is...or at least portray him that way. Meet Hoobs aka Diddy aka Hoobdiddy. Any guy with that many aliases has to have a past he wants to hide. Certainly, not a guy that should be marrying my beautiful friend.
Tegann: Hey jackass, so what do you think makes a guy a good husband in SL?
Hoobs: I have no clue. I have already been married once and failed as a husband. Hopefully this time around, I get it right.
Tegann: So you admit being a failure in every way possible. That doesn't sound like husband material, if you ask me. Next question. Hopefully, you do better with this one. You couldn't possibly do much worse. Do you think 2 people in the adult entertainment industry can make a marriage work?
Hoobs: Of course. You see it all the time in adult entertainment.
Tegann: Wrong again. They are only together because they are on drugs and share the same STDs. That's 0 for 2. What makes the perfect woman for you?
Hoobs: I am already marrying her.
Tegann: Hey now. Don't try to fix this with these sickening cute answers. It's not allowed here. What if your girl wants to bring others in the bedroom?
Hoobs: I'm all for it.
Tegann: Well of course you are, pervert. I mean, threesomes are great and all...umm not like I'd know but ummm.... Ok, so I admit, you don't look too bad, I guess. If you are in a relationship, what's your reaction to a girl hitting on you?
Hoobs: I hit on them back, My fiance knows I will always come home to her. She is the only one I love, but does not mean I won't flirt back.
Tegann: You realize I will be confirming these perfect answers with a polygraph? Which of the following is considered cheating: A) Kiss from a girl B) Hand Job C) Blow Job D) Sex with a condom on E) Jerking it to a picture of someone else F) Jerking it to a picture of yourself G) Any of the above with the same sex.
Hoobs: Well, I jerk off to myself all the time, so that can't be cheating. I would say A, B, C D are all cheating.
Tegann: Sooo a hot famous female journalist could sleep with your wife and she should feel no guilt because it's not considered cheating. That's very interesting. I just gotta dig deeper to find your faults. You look like you lift. How much have your balls shrunk? Can you still have kids? How often do you get roid rage? If you can have kids, is roid rage hereditary?
Hoobs: Balls where the size of grape fruits, so they shrunk to normal size now, which is good. Hardly ever get roid rage and the kids will definitely have the same issues.
Tegann: You know, whoever said honesty is good, is an idiot. It won't save a marriage. Lastly, which one of the following is bigger: A) Your bank account B) Your list of STDs C) Your penis D) Your Ego F) Your lust for me G) Your love for Meg Corral?
Hoobs: F) My lust for you!! Meg is a close second.
Tegann: Well, maybe honesty isn't so bad after all. Also, I was probably just greedy. Probably having Meg as a runner up to me in your eyes and you being a distant second to me in Meg's point of view could be enough to actually make it work.
Perhaps I was out of line, attempting to bribe guys to ruin my friends relationships, but what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't test it. In the end, I should be thanked. Anyway, I guess I should wish her best of luck in her future marriage and stand beside her until they are two wrinkled old fucks about to share a tombstone as husband and wife. On the other hand, perhaps having her name and work featured on here will cause her fame to explode and swell her ego so much, no man will ever be good enough for her. Yeah, let's give that a try.
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| The Sexy Couple |
If there's anyone out there who want to stalk her, kidnap her, etc to possibly end this marriage, then a good start would be researching these links:
For unlimited sexiness, check out Meg's pics here: Meg's Flickr
To keep up to date on what she's up to: Meg's Blog
I love this girl! This made me laugh so hard I had tears!
ReplyDeleteThis was for fun so please do not take it seriously, Tegann adores me and wouldnt try to hurt me in anyway :)
ReplyDelete